Asthma Made Me a Recluse… and Now I’m Finding My Way Back

I am an introvert at heart. I'm happy to be a recluse and keep to myself the majority of the time. As with most introverts, being around others can be draining for me, not just physically, but emotionally. And when the COVID-19 pandemic hit, I had every reason to embrace my solitude and discover the world from behind a computer screen.

My introverted nature

While most people were feeling trapped inside and devoid of human interaction, I happily retreated into the calm of my cocoon. Did I get cabin fever? Sure, I did. Humans were made to be social creatures. Psychology tells us that human interaction, and especially physical touch, is a necessary part of human growth and development, as well as happiness.

But one of the benefits of not being around people is avoiding illness. You can't get sick if you're not anywhere you can pick up germs. Novel, huh?

Understanding severe asthma and the risk of getting sick

I have a number of health issues in addition to severe asthma, which makes things like even the most basic cold dangerous for me. A simple virus can obliterate my lungs for weeks. I've had some viruses take upwards of two months to recover from. It's not fun at all, but that really goes without saying. I really do everything to keep from getting sick, and it's actually paid off. I've made it 6 years without getting THE virus. Crazy, right?

When caution turns into social isolation

So when the pandemic hit, not only did I enjoy being a recluse, but I also enjoyed not getting sick. Bonus? Sure! But for me, the pattern of keeping to myself and not interacting in public settings has continued. Yes, I know it's been 6 years. No, I do not have a problem. Maybe some germaphobia and agoraphobia, but that never hurt anyone, right? Well… looking back, I can see how easily caution around illness turned into a much longer stretch of social isolation than I ever intended.

To be honest, as much as I've enjoyed my "quiet time," I've realized over the last couple of months that my fear of getting sick (and having a prolonged recovery) is really keeping me from living my life. I've still managed to maintain and grow friendships, discover new ways of interacting with other people, and found outdoor activities that I enjoy. But that is still very limiting. I want to get back to feeling comfortable walking into a store without a mask, going out to lunch with my friends, and maybe even traveling.

Recognizing how isolation shaped my life

Now that we are out of the worst of winter, one of my goals this year is to get out more and socialize. Living in isolation, even if I enjoy it, isn't really living. I'm not jumping into this headfirst, though. I'm still just dipping my toes in the water. The viral season this year was pretty rough, so I set a boundary of when I would be comfortable starting to get out.

As we're now into summer, I'm finally comfortable going out more. For anyone else living with asthma, social withdrawal can creep in the same quiet way it did for me — one cautious choice at a time, until isolation just becomes the norm.

My path back to socialization

There are still things to work up to — like the length of time spent out (because it is physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausting for me), meeting in more open areas before in more confined ones, and budgeting spoons for getting ready and time to get to events. It's not something I'm expecting to happen overnight. I've been in this pattern for many years now, but I'm excited about the possibility of spending time with people and exploring more of the things I've been afraid of over the last few years. Untangling asthma and social isolation won't happen overnight, but every small step back toward connection feels like progress.