I Am The Face Of Asthma

Ever Google yourself? I do from time to time for kicks and grins. When I Google my name I come up #1 in the search engine, and #2, #3, and #4. I’m not being arrogant here. I just think it’s a testament to all my hard work as an asthma writer. And a testament to Asthma.net for getting my name out there.

Some people say that asthma doesn’t define you. For most asthmatics, this may be true. But, this isn’t the case with me. For me, asthma does define me. In a sense, I am the face of asthma. It has made me what I am. It is me.

Asthma is a significant part of me

Did I chose this path for me, or did my asthma? I posed this question to my 11-year-old daughter, and she said, “Dad, God creates everything. You know that!”

Okay, so my daughter is right. I have a gift. And it was God--via asthma--who gave me the gift of writing. While my brothers were doing guy things with dad, I stayed home with mom. I’d often stay in my room. And, yearning to be industrious (as dad inculcated that in all of his kids), I didn’t sit around feeling sorry for myself. I studied. I read. And I wrote.

And that is what gave birth to me doing this: writing about asthma. And, as some of you say, advocating on behalf of asthma. Although, I do not define myself as an asthma advocate. I am a writer who sort of wended his way into the advocacy thing, and reluctantly so.

I didn't start with writing about asthma

I did not start out thinking I’d be an asthma writer. In fact, that was far from my intent when I decided I wanted to be a writer. I started as most writers do, simply by keeping a diary. As I got older, this turned into a journal.

Sometimes I wrote about my asthma. But, mostly I wrote about me. I wrote about things occurring in my life and in the world. And I added my opinion of these events. After all, what is a journal without your opinion? In fact, some define a journal as events plus your opinion of those events.

Many of those old journals I still have. There is some great stuff in there. But, there is also some stuff that would probably make me look stupid. So, note to self, burn those journals. I think I’ve had enough stuff published online by now that I shouldn’t feel guilty about destroying what got me started.

So, asthma defines me

Many people in my family smoke. I cannot smoke. Many in my family work in factories. I cannot work in factories. The guys in my family go hunting. With all my allergies, I cannot hunt. The guys in the family go to the cabin. They just grab their stuff and go. I cannot just take off and leave without packing my asthma stuff and planning where I'm going to sleep, or how I’m going to get home.

Asthma forced me to go to college. It forced me to get a job in a clean, air-conditioned environment. So, it leads me to be a respiratory therapist. And this job got bored at night. So, here is where I started my blog “Respiratory Therapy Cave.” I intended it to write about my profession. But, I would also write about my asthma. I just wanted to be industrious with my time, as Ben Franklin taught (as my parents and grandparents taught).

And, lo and behold, it lead me to Asthma.net. And here I am writing about asthma as a living. Writing about asthma has been therapeutic for me. As a kid, I was embarrassed about it. I kept it a secret. And this did not bode well for me. Now I’m forced to write about myself. I am forced to confront horrifying events from the past that I had all but blacked out. And here I was reading my old medical records.

What my asthma records said about me

I even read what psychologists said about me. I did this to learn about my asthma. But, I also did it so I’d have something to write about. At first, I was angry. I was particularly angry when they said I had anxiety. I was mad back when I was told this as a kid. I was angry when I had to get therapy for my asthma and anxiety. They said one affected the other.

Then I came to terms with my asthma past. All those memories started coming back like birds in the fall returning to Ludington.

So, writing about my asthma has caused me to face it. Now, rather than hiding, I talk about my asthma openly to anyone who will listen. And I think that’s what all asthmatics should do.

No, you are not the face of asthma. You don't have to be. You can be if you want. But I have assumed that role so you don't have to. You can go about living your life as best you can.

But, I am. I am the face of asthma. But now, unlike those old journals, I do not do this for me. I do this for all the people living with it. I give of myself to get the word out about this disease. In that way, I’ve turned into an advocate by default.

I am an asthma advocate

In the past, I considered myself just a blogger. I denied that I was an advocate. But, today I submit to the fact that I am an advocate for asthma. Just writing about it makes me one.

Someone once said to me that great actors become great because they are willing to give themselves up to the camera. They are even willing to shed the clothes and show all. They are also willing to shed the outer layer and expose their deepest emotions.

I’m not saying I’m a great writer by any means. But, blogging has caused me to shed the outer layer that didn’t allow anyone to see what it’s like living inside an asthmatic body.

I think a great asthma writer is one who sheds the outer layer and exposes what it’s like living as an asthmatic. I would never have been able to do this 13 years ago. But since I started blogging in 2007, I have opened the door and shared what it’s like living with a chronic disease called asthma.