More lighthearted? I can be...
Hi! I'm still recovering from laryngitis with an annoying, violent coughing resulting in chest and back pain along with tasting blood from asthma, BUT, I think I should explain why I am the way I am here, and open a little more about myself while coping with my asthma.
First of all, I tend to be pretty gloomy when talking about my asthma and my experiences, but I'm not naturally a negative person. I've just had my asthma silent, undetected, and undiagnosed, and I was treated like an able bodied person for years until I got diagnosed and we finally got me proper treatment. I thought I was healthy until my body got worse and I stopped lying to myself that there was nothing wrong with me. I thought it was normal to not be fully breathing when I was younger, and my asthma got dismissed as simply very bad allergies by doctors who couldn't hear my asthma, therefore didn't notice my asthma. I was always told my airways were cleared. No one knew I wasn't breathing. My family just noticed me sighing every time I talk, or being unable to talk at times, and assumed I was either tired or upset, until 10 years later when I finally got diagnosed too little too late. My airways are chronically inflamed and probably remodeled by now, over time I got more life threatening attacks. I've gone from just pro air, then flovent with pro air, to flovent with ventolin, to Singulair, to BREO 100/25mcg, a nebulizer to take twice daily, and 5 days of prednisone, and now I'm at BREO 200/25mcg with Singulair and albuterol as needed. I hid my symptoms of asthma until I couldn't anymore. My symptoms were inaudible and invisible to begin with and I never knew what was wrong with me until I was diagnosed at 15, so I thought I was normal. I got used to severe asthma with no treatment until recent years. I'm 22 now, and already on COPD medicines with Singulair and more albuterol just to breathe.
Doctors didn't see the signs of my childhood asthma, I was too young to describe my daily symptoms of asthma, I never knew I had asthma for 10 years until it worsened into this annoying, chronic, embarassing barking cough. I always thought I could never run because I was lazy, when in reality, even during the time I spent in my high school summer gym with vigorous daily exercise, while my arm and leg muscles were getting much stronger, I was still nearly dying every time I ever ran, and my only concern while running the mile was not my timing, but pacing myself so I'd make it out alive without collapsing onto the floor while I saw stars and my lungs were in severe stabbing pain. I performed worse on the post test during gym than the pretest because of my asthma, and my coaches were concerned.
My point is, I'm brutally honest about my asthma, because I lied to myself about it for 10 years. Yeah, I can be depressing, but I am this way because I refuse to sugar coat my asthma just to make others comfortable like I did when I was younger. I was tired of pretending to be ok until I nearly died. I couldn't hide my symptoms anymore and just had to accept them. I grieve the fact I'll never, ever, be able to run more than about 20 feet at a time, will never be able to join the military like my parents, my uncle, and my grandfathers, nor law enforcement besides a dispatcher, which sucks, because I'm pursuing my Bachelor's in criminal justice and trying to find more criminal psychological paths.
On the bright side...
Even though I cannot perform many exercises at all besides swimming, horseback riding (if the weather allows), (very limited) dancing, walking, and working my job, and recently Brazilian jiu-jitsu (I'll explain how in a minute), I'm still a writer, an artist, and a singer 🎤, I enjoy being with my friends online and in person and my long distance boyfriend that I met on social media being high risk in the pandemic.
Now Thyme, how on earth do you survive jiu-jitsu when you can't breathe for crap? Well... jiu-jitsu is a sport that is a lot more technique based rather than being based on body type. It has evolved from Judo, and when the Judo Master, Mitsuyo Maeda, taught it to the famous Gracie family in Brazil, the family, especially Carlos and Helio Gracie, adapted the techniques to emphasize fighting on the ground and effective submissions I'll get into later, where Judo focuses more on takedown techniques and throws. Helio Gracie himself was a rather frail man, and the youngest of his older brothers, but with much effort and perfecting techniques that he could use to his advantage, he and the family eventually developed Brazilian jiu-jitsu. The sport itself is intended for smaller people to overpower larger people, especially with emphasis on ground fighting techniques and these submissions.
I can survive these submissions despite severe asthma, because although these moves are chokes, they are not trachea choke moves, meaning they do not choke your windpipe, but instead, your carotid arteries around your neck, which restricts the blood flow to your brain, making the chokeholds a lot faster and smoother (and more deadly, so do not continue choking your partner after they tap you. If you choke for too long, you can cause either permanent brain damage or even death, so limit the time you choke them unless you are in a life or death situation). I can breathe while being choked until I tap, I can survive being under men much larger than me in the guard while blocking punches because I can hold on to them as they move around and push them back with my legs if necessary, while controlling their head, arms, and my own position. People are intimidarwd by larger people laying on your lungs to submit you or for you to topple them over, but I already feel a weight on my lungs every day. Assuming I have my BREO, of course, a grown man temporarily on my lungs is nothing compared to my asthma. And everyone goes a bit easier on me because of my size and my disability, but once I master the basic techniques and get my Combatives belt, I hope to learn more advanced techniques and keep rolling. I enjoy being choked by people I can trust and who love me and help me reconnect after isolation in COVID, while we learn to escape chokeholds and effective takedowns and escapes as well as other arm and leg submissions. I can trust my classmates unlike my lungs and I'm finally somewhere with understanding people besides my family who make me feel safe. Thank you for taking the time to read this, it means the world to me! Your support means everything to me, and I mean that from the bottom of my heart (and lungs😉).
"A grown man temporarily on my lungs is nothing compared to my asthma."
That really says it all, doesn't it?
I love that you shared all of this with us. It does give better insight to where you're coming from and how you relate to your body and your asthma. I feel like as people with limitations we are quicker to adapt to different situations. Like, you may not run, but you have found this sneaky way to be strong and powerful. People underestimate you but then you surprise them. I relate to that, too. 😀
I don't know anything about jiu jitsu, but I did get to see some of it when the Olympics were on last year. Your enthusiasm is contagious! I want to check out some videos on YouTube now. Thank you for showing us what's possible. We really do appreciate the joy and vulnerability you bring here to the community. <3 -Melissa, team member
