One Step Forward, Seven Steps Back

When you live with asthma, it always feels like you are waiting for the next shoe to drop.

I have talked before about how I used to be on daily oral prednisone to control my severe asthma. A little over a year ago, I was finally able to start the weaning process, which is an ordeal in and of itself.

As of now, I have been off daily steroids for almost a year. I was a ball of nerves when I went from 11 controller medications, daily prednisone, and frequent hospitalizations to 5 controllers and being oral corticosteroid-free. I trusted my doctors, and all was well for about 6 months. My albuterol usage was down, I was sleeping better at night, and I even got back in the pool to swim laps at my own pace.

Last November, things started to fall apart again.

Fighting off other illnesses with asthma

Communal living in college is good for my soul but is not always good for my lungs when coupled with an already compromised immune system. Whenever an illness went around in my house, I somehow picked it up. Each sickness went straight to my lungs, and every single one required a course of steroids and antibiotics to clear up. In one semester, this happened 7 times in total.

The most recent sickness was a bit different.

I knew almost immediately that my lungs were not in good shape. I was audibly wheezing, had a very productive cough, and couldn't walk up 3-5 stairs without getting short of breath. My lungs had not felt this ill in years. Two emergency rooms (ER) trips later, I had a stronger antibiotic, steroid injection, and oral steroids for the road.

My underlying condition made it's presence known

When I was in the emergency department (ED), I had a chest X-ray. Initially, the provider told me she thought I had pneumonia, which was not super surprising based on my presentation. A few minutes later, another provider came in. He informed me the consensus was I did not actually have pneumonia, and that the imaging abnormality was just from my lung disease.

The relief I had felt earlier with easy(er) management vanished immediately. Though my lung conditions do show up on high-resolution CT scans, no abnormalities have been picked up on X-rays yet.

I was crushed. Things had been going well on average - so I thought - but my lung conditions made their presence known somehow.

Though I went from living with severe asthma to still living with severe asthma, I've been going through a bit of a grieving process all over again. The past few months have been a wakeup call for me, that no matter how healthy or how normal I feel in the moment, I still have an underlying condition that needs nurturing.

Managing my health now

So here I am now, trying to take care of myself a bit more appropriately for what my lungs need. Going from a regimen that took 5 minutes a day to one that relies on twice daily airway clearance and weekly subcutaneous infusions is already an adjustment, but an adjustment that my body needs and deserves.

I'm trying to keep myself positive and continuing to remind myself that I've survived bigger health challenges.

Isn't it always one step forward and seven steps back?