Is My Kid's Asthma My Fault?

I work with a lot of young college graduates, and some of them are becoming first-time moms. I'm old enough to be their mom (seriously), so they often come to my office for advice.

Motherhood: stress, worry, guilt

One thing I have noticed is they all seem to doubt themselves and feel guilty. They aren't sure if they are doing the right thing, and once they feel like they know what they are doing, something else changes (sleep schedule, sick baby, etc).

Let's face it - parenting is not for the faint of heart. For those of us that are able to have a child, we enter a new world of mess. Babies and kids throw up on us, pee, and poop on us. They wipe their nose on our shirts. You know how it goes.

Add in a kid with health problems, and it's added stress, doubt, and worry.

My personal experience

As mom to 3 adults with allergies and asthma, their childhood was really tough. They were ALWAYS sick. And when they would get a cold, it would always morph into bronchitis or pneumonia...and another hospitalization. Argh!

Twenty years ago, I was surprised to find out that my middle son had asthma. Eventually, all 3 of my kids were diagnosed with allergies and asthma, as was I.

Asthma is no one's fault

Moms aren't to blame if their kids develop asthma. In fact, I wrote an article last year entitled "Dumb Reasons to Blame a Mom for Her Child's Asthma."

Researchers do not know what causes asthma. There can be a variety of reasons - and sometimes it's a mystery. For some families, allergies and asthma are genetic. In our family, allergies, and asthma run on both sides. All 3 of my kids inherited my allergies and asthma.

Some kids with asthma have mild asthma and don't have many problems. Other kids have asthma flare ups year round, and they can be severe. There isn't a one-size-fits-all when it comes to asthma. In fact, diagnosing asthma and finding a treatment plan can be hard because there are many different types of asthma.

And you can do everything right and your child can STILL end up in the hospital.

It's not your fault!

My kids were admitted to the hospital 12 times for their asthma. There's only so much you can do at home when your child has asthma and gets pneumonia, or breathes in smoke from a nearby forest fire.

I did everything right:

• Made our home allergy and asthma friendly
• Made sure my child was using correct inhaler technique
• Watched to see my child take their controller inhaler every morning and every night
• Timed their breathing treatments with the nebulizer
• Made sure they got their oral steroid at the right time

And my kids would still end up being admitted to the hospital!

It was not my fault.

Even Asthma Doc was puzzled as to why my kids were so hard to treat. He went so far as to consult with another specialist at an annual allergy and asthma conference.

If your kids have asthma, it's not your fault. You didn't do anything wrong.

And if they end up in the hospital, that's not your fault either.

Let's start celebrating the things our kids CAN do with allergies and asthma. And pay it forward. My kids now help coworkers and roommates with their asthma.

Life happens, kids get asthma, but to quote our family mantra, "Things Can Always Be Worse!"

Anyone else struggle with mom guilt?